Welcome Aboard The Cutlass

New Year, New Beginnings

2012-01-16T01:16:00.000-06:00

Well, here it is once again. That time of year where everyone makes promises to themselves that they're never going to keep. Happy New Year!

For me, 2012 has started off with a bang! It's awesome to start a new year on a positive note, with a bright outlook to the future.

Business is booming at work. I just got a promotion, I'm moving up in the world, and I absolutely LOVE my bosses at work, I love learning these new things, and I love moving up in the food chain. It's a great confidence booster, which we all need once in a while!

I got a new camera for Christmas, and it's the next step in getting a little more serious about one of my favorite hobbies. As soon as the weather warms up, I'm planning on spending some time at the zoo to get a better feel for it.

In turn, I got Jay a Ruger 10/22, a special BSA edition. He absolutely loves it, which makes me very accurate. And, if you're thinking about getting a little .22 rifle, please let me suggest a Ruger 10/22. Extremely accurate right out of the box, and there's a ton of modifications that you can do to them. All around awesome gun to own.

I'm losing weight. I'm super excited. By upping my exercise routine and making small changes in what and how I eat, it's finally working. I'm hoping that if I keep it up, I can be to my goal by summer. Here's hoping!

So, all in all, a VERY good start to the year for me. I've got money in savings, I'm meeting my goals, and I'm working on commission details with one of my favorite artists. Oh... and Jay and I are talking about wedding planning. :D

Stay beautiful people, and this year, just work on being a happier, healthier YOU. That's what I'm doing... and it's working great so far!

<3

This is me...

2011-12-06T04:45:00.000-06:00

I suffer with depression.

Although I've recently started to become more open about this, it's very hard for me to say. I talked to a doctor a while back, and he felt that it might be healthy for me to stop hiding it. Which I've done- for years. I'm ashamed, and embarrassed, and I hate it. So, here I am to talk about it, and bare all. Or try to, at least.

My depression is very hard on me. Then again, I guess it's hard on anyone who suffers with it. I'm on a medicine to help control it, but it's honestly not enough. My health insurance kicks in on the first of the year, and at that point, I will be finding myself a primary care doctor to discuss this issue further.

Like everyone else, I've got my good days, and my bad days. I just tend to have more bad days than good ones.

My bad days are coming more often lately. I'm not sure if it's the weather, the stress of work, or what, but there are so many days lately when I feel like I can't handle it anymore. The other night at work, a male coworker decided that it was alright to yell at me. Now, I wish I could say that I did the right thing and yelled right back. But no. I broke down, and spent the next 30 minutes crying my eyes out in the bathroom. I wish that I could say that it was just a really bad day for me. But no. My days are more and more like this. If I'm not sad, then I'm not... anything. I float a lot, not feeling good or bad, not wanting to do anything but mindlessly click around online, because it passes the time. I've stopped cooking, stop reading, stopped working out- I've stopped living. I simply... exist. AND I ABSOLUTELY HATE IT.

I hate not feeling like I'm living. I feel like I've got no purpose, no goals, no passions. I do what I'm supposed to do, because I know that to do. But... that's it.

I want to LIVE again. I want to feel happy, and loved, and beautiful. I want to not hate my job. I want to DO something. Something fun. Something important. ANYTHING more than just... BEING.

This blog post isn't to whine, about how hard my life is for me. For how I'm sad, I'm lonely, blah blah. It's just so that maybe you can understand. Or maybe, really, so I can understand. Because I really don't. I don't understand why I can feel like this all the time. i just know that I do. And I'm coping with that.

This isn't easy for me to talk about. I'd rather just pretend that everything is alright. Because when people ask me what's wrong, they don't understand when I say "I don't know." And most of them probably don't want to hear my life story. So, all in all, it's easier to pretend that I don't have a problem.

But I do. And it kills me.

And this... this is the first step in making it better.

My Dream Gadgets

2011-10-16T02:48:00.001-05:00

I love gadgets. From the kitchen to the bathroom, gadgets fascinate me. So, since my blog has been collecting dust, I've decided today to list 5 gadgets that I would love to have.

1. Sea Life DC1400 Underwater Camera

2. Arctic Force Snowball Blaster

3. Sharky Tea Infuser

4. Kettle Teapot

5. Sodastream

Friendship

2011-08-06T01:25:00.000-05:00

It's funny. I started to write a blog entry last week about friendship, but scrapped it. I ended up feeling that I was just upset at the time, and that it was being extremely harsh to some people who hadn't really done anything wrong. Well, here I am to do this again. Because I've come to the decision that friendship shouldn't be this one sided, this much work for one person, when the person on the other side doesn't seem to care anymore.

See, I've never really been good at friendships. But I'm starting to realize that maybe, all along, the problem wasn't me. See, I've got a habit of trying to be friends with a certain type of person. And this type of person happens to be the type that outgrows their need for me. I thought that I had gotten past that point in my life. I thought that now, as an adult, the friends I made would be there for me, and I'd develop some real friendships. But, here we are again, full circle. I had what I thought was a great friendship, with a guy that I cared very deeply about. But see, the problem turned out to be, that he wasn't listening to the words I was actually saying. He made his own assumptions about my feelings, which means to me that he never actually knew me as well as I thought he did. Or maybe it was just all a big misunderstanding. Either way, now, it's like pulling teeth to try and get him to talk with me. And I'm just done trying. I'm done trying with a few different people.

Because I'm sick of letting these people hurt me, and I'm not going to let it happen anymore. I'd rather have no friends, than people that I think are friends, who couldn't really care less.

<3

Puckish, I am not...

2011-07-31T03:39:00.001-05:00

A few days ago, I was asked this question:

What was the funniest/nastiest/most memorable prank you ever pulled on someone?

And it's sad... because I can't really think of anything particularly funny that I've ever done to someone not myself. I mean, like everyone, I enjoy playing pranks on them. But they aren't every exciting, I suppose.

Growing up, my little brother had a My Buddy doll. You remember- that creepy doll that reminds us all of Chucky?

Yeah, that one. Well anyway, my brother had one. And my mother is TERRIFIED of Chucky. So, back when she used to take naps because we wore her out, we used to wait until she was fast asleep and prop the doll up on the edge of her bed, so that it would be the first thing that she saw when she woke up. Weren't we such loving children?

And really... that's about it. I never made prank calls, never put bras into freezers, or egged anyone's house. Does that make me boring?

Apparently, though, as a child, I was obsessed with the world uvula; and proceeded to ask everyone I met if I could see theirs. Huh. Does that count as mischievous? :D

<3

Do you play well with other children?

2011-07-23T03:32:00.000-05:00

It's funny. The older I get, the more things around me seem to be turning back into high school all over again. And I wonder to myself- is it just me? Or are things like this everywhere?

I hate stupid people. Stupid people with their stupid drama, who have nothing better to do with themselves than gossip, lie, and dig into the business of everyone around them. And sometimes, I get really sick of it.

My place of employment is a great example. I work in a factory. You've got to be 18 to work there, which means every person that I work with is legally an adult. Which is funny, because some nights, walking into that building is worse than walking into an 8th grade classroom full of PMS-ing pre-teen girls. Everyone's got to be in everyone's business, and then if something happens that they don't like, they yap on and on about it for 12 hours. You know what people? IT'S A DAMN JOB. You go to work, work 12 hours, and go home. Why, oh why, do people insist on filling every minute of it with stupidity? A great example; I was absent from work one day because my car broke down on the was there, and I wasn't able to make it in. The next day at work, I was congratulated on being two months pregnant. Because apparently, I had missed work because my morning sickness was just awful and kept me from being there. Isn't that wonderful?

You know what else bugs me? Arrogant, spoiled little children who don't know the meaning of the word discipline. Whenever I see a kid arguing with their folks the way they tend to nowadays, I really, really want to haul off and smack the kid. A note to parents that may ever read this: PLEASE, FOR THE SANITY OF EVERYONE, TEACH YOUR KIDS TO RESPECT THEIR ELDERS. TEACH THEM MANNERS, AND HOW TO CHEW WITH THEIR MOUTH CLOSED. MAKE SURE THAT THEY ALWAYS SAY PLEASE AND THANK YOU, AND SIR AND MA'AM. AND NO MATTER WHAT ANYONE EVER SAYS, IT IS STILL ALRIGHT TO SPANK YOUR CHILD.
Thank you for your consideration.

So, to answer the original question, no, I do not play well with other children. I play best with people like me, who realize that having manners and responsibility don't have to get in the way of having a good time. I'm a child at heart; but I'm a big girl who knows how to act properly at the proper times. Growing up doesn't mean growing old. You're only as old as you feel, but you'll only feel as old as you act. And most 3 year old's don't look good with wrinkles.

<3

This is my life... hold on tight

2011-07-20T05:55:00.000-05:00

Let me start this by saying that this is a personal blog. No scheduled updates, and I can't promise that the topics I write about will really be of any interest. But, I am who I am, and this is a way for me to express myself. Stay tuned- who knows, we might have something in common.

I guess I'll start off with a little background; an introduction.

My name is Cassandra, but everyone calls me Cassie. My parents were in the Navy, my fiance is a prior active duty Marine, and I currently work at a factory producing automobile glass.

I am heavily involved in text based role playing. If you've never heard of it, think of it as writing a story, with two authors. My namesake character, Captain Cassandra Boyd, is where I get my nickname "Captain" from. I also play many other characters. There's Mywyn, a half-elf. Dani, a student who has recently met Jack, the boy-ruler of Hell. Darcy, a street rat who was saved by a vampire. Margaret, an ex-thief whose handler has some serious attraction to her. Charley, the new assistant to ex-playboy trillionaire Jay Samson. And lastly, there's Alex, who can't remember who he is.

I love to read. I'm currently plowing through J.D. Robb's In Death series. It's simple to read, but I love it. Actually, the RP I'm doing with my character Margaret is based in that universe.

Music... I can't adequetly put into words what music is to me. It pulses through my veins, fills my head, and saves me from myself in my darkest of times.

I also love movies, certain TV shows, and video games, though I don't really have a lot of time for those anymore. Oh, and in case you didn't get the picture from the side of my blog... I read a lot of webcomics. Oh, and board games. I love board games. And photography.

I've got two dogs, and two fish tanks. One of my dogs is a miniature Dachshund, red, named Riddick. The other is a standard Dachshund, chocolate & tan, named Oscar. They love to race in the local Wiener Dog races every year.

Well, I honestly can't think of anything else to bore you with at the moment, so I suppose I'll let you go.

Thanks for reading.
<3